…but hard to understand

Twenty years ago as a young adult I fell in Love with a wonderful person. They offered me everything I ever wanted. They adored me, and showered me with their affection. Dare I say the worshipped me. “This is true Love” I thought.

Five years later, after many ups and downs, we got married. The day of our wedding was a mess. But we got through it and entered into marital bliss. Well, at least we were married.

Fifteen years passed, with many ups and downs. I had become accustom to the relationships and I was happy. I still Loved my spouse, as much or not more so than the day we got married. And I thought to myself how privileged I was to have such a blessed life.

Then one day I spent a evening with a friend that I had turned to time and again to help me through the ups and downs or my relationship. In the middle of an innocent outing, just my friend and I, we connected in a way we never had before. With out a word things change.  Pulses raced. Lips quivered. We swallowed hard to not express what we were feeling.

But it was there, the elephant in the room, we were feeling something we didn’t not expect.  We were feeling something we did not want, at least not with each other. But no matter how much we thought is was wrong, it was there. And with great bravado I spoke the words that each of us was thinking.  I don’t remember the exact words, but we had to admit that we had “feelings” for each other.

There I am, a happily married person, out with a friend, expressing feelings of adoration toward them.

Here I am two months later, sitting at my kitchen table, alone and crying, because what I once thought was a blessed marriage was being torn asunder by years of pain and heartache.

As I prepare for the dissolution of my 15 year marriage I thought it best time to look back on what it means to love.  I Love my spouse with all my heart.  As far as I can see I always will.  So like most people facing the end of a relationship I’m asking myself, “how did it come to this” but more importantly I’m asking myself “what is Love, and what is it good for?”

It’s this last question that I hope to answer, so that I and others like me, can figure out for themselves if they want to continue down the path of Love. Please follow along with me and see if we can collectively find the truth about Love.